15 Feb 2011
Be humble...because this too shall pass
By PAUL HENG
THERE we were, patiently waiting to enter the Esplanade Theatre to watch a local play. One of my habits when I go to watch a movie or play is to visit the toilet before the show begins. I was dressed to the nines, as I usually am. In a full suit, no less. I strutted to the toilet and just before I reached the toilet door, I caught sight of a familiar face. We had eye contact for a split second, and then he looked away. It was instantaneous recall for me. Most of us in the corporate world would have recognised the face right away - the man was one of Singapore's more successful CEOs.
We know each other; that's a fact. I would not dare lay claim to being his friend but, for sure, we know each other. I smiled, and tried to make eye contact again. He looked anywhere but at me, and then he looked down at his shoes. By then, I was face-to- face with the toilet door. He was still looking down at his shoes.
I was pretty amused by the incident. The 'nice' part of me says: 'Give him a break. Maybe he genuinely could not recognise me, as he probably meets many people as part of his corporate CEO role.' The cheeky side of me says: 'Can't be. He knows me. We exchanged emails on numerous occasions. We met and spoke to each other before - sitting in the same room.'
More equal than others
It does not matter what the truth is, and I will never know unless I ask the man. As a leadership coach, and one who networks pretty actively in the corporate and social scene here in Singapore, I often meet high-profile and so-called successful people in the corporate, medical, entertainment, etc, industries who behave as if they are more equal than all other mortals. They probably also believe that unless you are holding a job title similar to theirs, or more senior - or, like them, have a lot of money - you have no right to speak to them directly, or even eat at the same table.
The reality is this (and many leaders and successful people either do not know this or choose not to acknowledge it): our corporate roles and success are rarely, and probably never, permanent.
The exception is when you own the company - for example, SME founders. However, this will not hold water the moment you decide to IPO the company - as then, you have to report to the board as well as be accountable to the shareholders. And haven't we heard of owner/CEOs being fired from their jobs?
Also, success is always a journey, never a destination. You may be successful today; but all you need to do is to take one tiny wrong step or say the wrong thing - and all your past glory will be erased. Sometimes your downfall may even be caused by circumstances beyond your control - for example, an epidemic like the bird flu. There is actually very little permanency in this world. (Although one example that comes to mind is parental love and concern for children, grown up or otherwise.)
So, much as you are now high and mighty, and enjoying the fruits of your hard labour - the $50,000 per month salary, business-class travel, club-floor rooms in five-star hotels, etc - be aware, be very aware, that all these could (indeed, will) vanish overnight the moment you leave the corporate or business world, either of your own accord or involuntarily. (I am generalising, of course, and there will always be happy exceptions.)
The most difficult part of that transition for most people is that they come to the rude awakening that many of their 'friends' are no longer around them. While you may have received many invitations to play golf when you were a CEO, you may suddenly find that very few people now want to play golf with you, or return your call - and this even when you are the one doing the inviting!
I recently met the ex-CEO of an MNC here in Singapore. During his corporate days, he would be one whose name and face you saw in the news frequently - someone you could easily slot onto the list of 'movers and shakers'. The person I met at the cocktail party was quite a different person; he was left pretty much to himself. Not many people seemed to bother going up to him to make small talk - quite pathetic actually, from my perspective. I was unsure how well (or unwell) he was taking it. I sincerely hope it didn't bother him too much and that he was able to accept it as part and parcel of the ups and downs of life.
I can say that the reverse was possibly true when he was helming the MNC. I can almost visualise a group of people crowding around him, hoping to shake his hand. The more fortunate would probably succeed in inviting him for a meal or two. I am not sure how many dinner invites he gets these days, if any.
Successful individuals who are also known to possess humility as one of their virtues are sadly quite difficult to come by these days. For sure, they are out there, but you may have to search very hard to find them. I've thought about this issue deeply, and have come to the conclusion that it may actually be quite difficult to remain absolutely humble when one is successful in one's career or business, especially if success is accompanied by more than a healthy bank account.
Right mindset
However, it is not impossible. The secret to achieving this (if you desire it in the first place) is to have the right mindset. And this starts with the acknowledgement that being successful does not give you the right to patronise and look down on others, and exhibit behaviours consistent with the image that you are more equal than others. The sooner you realise that, one day, you will no longer own a business name card and be able to introduce yourself as 'I am So-and-So, CEO of XYZ company', the better. At that time, how do you want others to behave towards you? It's overused, maybe, but completely relevant for me to repeat here: 'Do not do unto others what you do not want to be done unto you.'
So, my dear successful CEOs, MDs, or whatever nice title you now have on your name card: if you have still not realised the (potentially very possible) temporary nature of your corporate role and your status in society, you may wish to pause and take a breather to do some soul searching.
Consider: Am I proud of, and wish to perpetuate, my current behaviours? If not, which behaviours do I wish to change? Why? How can I be a much 'better' person then?
As for my 'friend' outside the toilet, I choose to believe that you genuinely could not remember that we had met before. But even then, returning a stranger's friendly smile would not have made you a cent poorer.
The writer is executive coach and founder of NeXT Corporate Coaching Services
